Separating from your children can be difficult, whether it’s the first time you send them off to school or a routine sleepover at a friend’s house. It can evoke a feeling of helplessness, knowing your child is apart from you and you’re not able to protect them. Though you can’t be physically with them all the time, there are some things you can do to help protect your children when you’re apart to help prevent sexual assault and other types of abuse. 

Don’t let your guard down around familiar people 

If you have reason to believe someone you know is harming your child, it’s best to err on the side of caution. You might even notice signs of grooming from people you or your child are close to. This can include physically or emotionally separating your child from others, giving extra gifts or attention to your child, sharing secrets with your child, excessively touching your child, talking to your child about sexual topics, and pushing boundaries. 

Talk to them about strangers

Strangers are still a risk, too. Be sure to have regular conversations with your child about being wary of strangers, whether it’s reminding them not to get in a car with a stranger or talking to older kids about safety regarding talking to strangers online. Also, teach your kids never to leave school or anywhere with someone they don’t know. 

Get involved when you can 

Being continually present in your child’s life can go a long way in keeping them safe. Sexual offenders often choose kids who seem more vulnerable or who are easily isolated. The more involved you are, showing up at sporting events, classroom events, church plays, etc. the more safe you may be able to keep your child. 

Being around the people in your child’s life also gives you an opportunity to get to know them. This can help you spot any warning signs of grooming or bad behavior toward your child. By getting to know your kids’ friends and the adults in their lives, you’re adding an extra layer of protection around your child.

Screen caregivers 

Though a screening process isn’t foolproof, it’s one layer of defense to help keep your children safe. You can screen and evaluate caregivers by asking any potential caregivers to provide a list of references. You can also ask any potential caregivers to provide proof of clearances and background checks, and you can search their name on the National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW). 

When it comes to daycare centers and schools, make sure you’re choosing a licensed facility that requires background checks and clearances for their employees. You can also ask to tour the facilities and talk to other parents and caregivers about their experience with the school. 

Keep communication with your kids open

Talk to your kids about body safety, and make sure they understand that nobody should touch them without their consent. If your child says no, the other person should stop immediately. 

Regularly talk to your kids about their lives and share anecdotes about your life, too. The more you share and talk, the easier it will be to have more difficult conversations, and the more likely your child will be to open up to you. Make sure they know that they will not be in trouble if they tell you about someone touching them inappropriately, too. A predator may tell them that they have to keep it a secret and they will get in trouble with their parents. It’s important that your kids understand that this is never the case. 

Teach your kids about body safety 

Teach your kids what their private parts are and the correct names for them. You should also teach them that nobody should ever look at or touch those parts, and likewise nobody should show them those parts of their body. If there is a medical reason for a doctor to look at their private parts, you or a medical chaperone should be present 

Teaching your kids the right names for their body parts can help them accurately tell you what happened if something goes wrong. It can also take the shame out of talking about these body parts, making them more likely to tell you about something that happened. 

It’s also helpful to give your kids the agency to say no. Don’t force them to hug or touch anybody they don’t feel comfortable touching. For example, they don’t have to give a hug to their uncle or even give their teacher a high-five if they don’t want to. 

Have a safe word

Work together with your child to come up with a safe word that only you and your child know. If they are apart from you and need help, they can text or call you and say the safe word. You can also use this in the event someone unexpected contacts or tries to pick up your child from an activity. If they’re not able to say the safe word, then your child knows that you did not send that person. 

How to get help if your child was sexually abused 

There are many ways to get help if your child was sexually abused. You can call 911 and/or take your child to the emergency room to get immediate help. It’s important to report the abuse. The reporting process can vary by state, so this helpful tool from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) can help you determine what your next steps should be. 

We can also help you determine if you are eligible to file a lawsuit. A sex abuse lawyer can evaluate your case and help you through the process.